I thought I would take a little time to write out 'my story'. It's kind of late, and I am running out of time, so I have to make it brief.
I will start my story at the age of 3. One day, I wondered some things. This was serious. How did I get here? Why am I here? What was this all about? When did I get here?
My mom proceeded to explain the facts of life as best as she could to a 3 year old.
She also taught me the 10 Commandments. Oh boy, now I knew I was in trouble. There was a time when I outright lied. What could I do to fix this problem? What does it mean if I broke a commandment?
Now, at the age of 7, sitting in class one day, out of nowhere seemingly, the thought came to my mind, there is no limit to God. Another thought that tied in with that one was, 'God never had a beginning'. If you can pinpoint a time in History past, God was before that. He never had a beginning point. He also is uncreated. My mind was blown.
Another time, in second grade, I did something stupid. I made some kind of remark about God, that wasn't nice. A boy in the class looked at me and commented. You know how it is when someone puts their hand over their mouth and makes that ummm noise? Almost like, 'I'm telling' when you've done something bad?
Well, I felt bad. I felt terrible. I knew I had sinned, again, but didn't know how to fix it. I even asked some people but no one knew how to help. At night, I asked my older friend. She said to me, 'Why don't you pray for forgiveness?' I thought that was a good idea, so I did just that.
When I was 9, I was afraid I was an atheist. It was hard to believe that God was there when you couldn't see Him. I felt guilty and yet, I wanted to believe He existed. At some point, I figured out that He must be there if I felt guilty about what I was thinking.
Because of being bullied around in school, in the years of 4-7th grade, I got tired of kids calling the shots, so I rebelled. I rebelled against authority and eventually, I became a bully. By the time I was 15, I learned how to physically fight with people (don't laugh. I know I am small!). I was tired of being bullied around, so, I turned to other things to make myself powerful and hopefully likable.
My life was taking a direction that was not good. I was considering taking drugs and doing the typical bad stuff kids my age did. Fortunately, I had enough common sense to always be careful in life and not do anything I would regret later on. But would my desire for power and recognition be greater than my common sense?
During my 9th grade year in school, my grandmother passed away from cancer. I only got to see her once or twice a year since we moved far away. I continued on my self willed path, but then something unusual happened.
During the summer between 9th and 10th grade, God began to speak to my heart. For a while, I just tried to ignore it. I thought it would go away. Was it just my overactive imagination working overtime again?
We took a vacation up North, and I thought for sure the voice inside me would go away. I really did fear God, but I wanted to do my own thing too. At least first, if I could. But the voice was still there, and it was there long after vacation was over.
Months went by, and the voice never stopped. At this point, I was careful to avoid listening to any religious programs or anything around me that would remind me of God....just in case. What was God trying to say anyway?
What I think God was trying to tell me was that there was something I needed to know. Of course, by this time, I am wondering about heaven and hell, and where I would go.
A couple of years before this, a friend was over and she and my mom were having a conversation. I felt very uncomfortable with what they were talking about. Don't even remember the details of this conversation, but it was something about if God didn't do a particular thing, we would all end up going to hell. I was really troubled about this (I never told this to my friend), and I remembered this conversation she had with my mom. It didn't seem fair to me that God would send people to hell. And that I could go there too. I just thought that would be impossible.
Sometimes, I used to think something like this, 'If God loved me as much as everyone says He does, then He won't send me to hell. He doesn't send people to Hell that He loves." At least that made sense to me. But what was this voice trying to get me to understand?
It would be several months of hearing this voice and knowing that God wanted me to know something, before I started meeting people who would make a difference in my life.
At the beginning of my Sophomore year, while at a dance place my friend and I used to attend, I felt led to meet a young man standing at a big round table. I gave him my phone number at the end of the evening. He called the next day and set up a date. This was the first divine appointment I had.
I had just broken up with a boy at the time I went on my first date with this young man I met at the dance place. Before we went out on this date though, he wouldn't tell me what it was he was taking me to. But he did say I would like it because it has music. All I could think of was, 'I hope this isn't something religious'. Maybe it was a trap from God for me to find out what it was He wanted me to know. Did I really want to know what that was? I don't think I was ready to hear the Good NewsI yet.
He takes me to this place, where he tells me I will like it because it has music there. Sure enough, it was some kind of religious meeting (It was a Young Life meeting, at a church building). Part of me felt trapped, but part of me also found it interesting. I saw kids there who I knew, and some of them were pulling out cigarettes and lighting them up. This is going to be an interesting meeting, I can tell.
There was very little I understood of the supposed threatening message that I would hear. But, I ended up liking the boy, and we continued to date. In fact, we went out on several dates and got to know each other very well.
One night, when he was visiting, he asked me if I were a Christian, to which I replied that I was. I assumed a Christian was someone who was not Jewish, Muslim, or Atheist. Another time, he asked me about baptism. I was sprinkled as a baby, and that was called 'baptism'. He disagreed. I was perplexed. What does baptism have to do with anything anyway?
I still had this inner knowing that there was something God wanted me to know. But I still could not figure out what it was. My boyfriend and I had more discussions about baptism, and finally, we decided to talk to his pastor about it.
We went to visit the pastor at his church building. He explained baptism to me. I had no idea what he was talking about. But then, he took a little booklet called 'The 4 Spiritual Laws' and read it to me. When the pastor got to the end, there was a prayer. He asked me if I had ever prayed anything like that before. The lights began to come on for me. Suddenly, I realized that there was something about all this that had to do with a relationship with God. I was terrified.
I took the booklet home and read through it often. It explained the Gospel message throughout it. I tried to understand it but it was hard. But I continued to read through it and believed that maybe it would answer the question of whatever it was God wanted me to know.
One thing I realized, is that I never prayed a prayer like that in my life. It was an afternoon, a couple of months after I received this booklet, that I decided to try to pray that prayer. I don't know if I really understood the Gospel message at that point, but I tried to pray the prayer at the back of the booklet.
We had moved to another house, and now I was going to a new high school. In the home room class, there was a girl who sat in the desk behind me. She was very bold about her faith in God. She talked about Jesus as if He were right there with us. I had never heard such a thing as this. It was very intriguing. One day, the girl asked me if I were a Christian. I remembered that I prayed the prayer in the back of the booklet, so I said 'yes'. But did I really understand the Gospel message yet? I'm not sure.
God continued to work in my heart, and now that I was dating someone who seemed to know about this God Who was speaking to my heart, it helped me to let go of my rebellion and arrogance. I didn't have the need to go out and prove myself to others and bully people around anymore. For a while, it was a battle though, because originally, I was determined to do just that. But now, I was much more ready to give all that up.
In the new high school I was at, I met an old friend from elementary school who also was in my mom's Boy Scout group when I was 10. This young man also went astray in his teenage years, but now I met him again, and he was different. He was excited because of what the Lord had done for him. He was so zealous for his new faith, and he gave me tracts to start to give out to others. This was the first time I ever saw a tract, and I thought they were cool. But still, I just wasn't there yet.
The day did come when the message of the Gospel connected in my heart. With all my new Christian friends that God sent my way, I was able to get the help I needed when I had questions. Somehow, not sure when, the Gospel message made sense to me, and I responded. God helped me understand that I was in rebellion to Him, and that He sent His Son to die for my sins, so I wouldn't have to spend eternity in hell, paying for my sins. Now I could be reconciled to God, and have a relationship with Him. I understood that I could come to God through His Son, Jesus Christ. And, now I was a new creature in Christ, a born again person.
Anyway, that is basically my story, and when my life began to change drastically. It's been many years later, and God is still faithful to me, and now my family. I married the man who was my boyfriend that I met at the dance place. God has continued to lead us as a family, and also placed us in a church where we are able to function in the body of Christ.
I don't know what would have happened had I not responded to the Gospel call on my life. Maybe I would have died early in life. Whatever would have happened, I am glad to have traded in that life for the abundant life that I am now living.
For anyone who is interested, I have a blog page that explains the Gospel message more clearly. The link is https://thegospelconversation.blogspot.com. Feel free to visit there and if you have any questions about this, please don't hesitate to ask in the comments.
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